The Groom’s Guide to Wedding Planning Sanity

This article could be summed up in a few words.  Support your bride. 

I remember it like it was yesterday, but it was before Pinterest pins and Facebook posts.  My wife planned our wedding with a scrapbook, software on a laptop,  and a bunch of magazines.  I remember driving to her home in Philadelphia and wondering how she made sense of everything, but she did it and we ended up having a wonderful wedding.

The Groom's Guide to Wedding Planning Sanity

1. Your bride wants the perfect day, it’s our job to support them in getting that.

It’s easy to get irritated with the details of the decorations and flower choices because honestly, you don’t care that much about them, but to your bride, it matters.

2. Give your opinion and be present.

Most grooms are told this advice, just show up and do whatever she wants.  I think that is some of the worst advice ever given. Listen first and be supportive and offer suggestions.  Trust me, your opinion matters even when you think it doesn’t.

3. Support her in every decision

Planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things a person can do.  I remember talking to a bride who was planning a wedding long distance and had to make major financial decisions on vendors while only having one weekend to do it.  It’s up to us to support the decisions and not play the “I told you so game with her.”

4. It’s up to you to set the tone

There will be times where you will disagree and argue, trust me, it’s going to happen. But it’s up to you to set the tone and make sure that you keep the end goal in mind. Most of the arguments will stem around pricing and how much things cost for the wedding. When I got married over a 10 years ago I had no clue that flowers cost so much and I wanted fake flowers, of course my wife shot that down and we ended up with real flowers. The key point is to pick your battles, it’s not who’s family is paying for it, but it’s your day.

As a groom having wedding planning sanity is the first real test for your marriage.  Your future wife is watching how you react to stress, handle money and support her even before she walks down that isle.

I remember during pre-martial counseling our pastor recommended the book His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. Below is an excerpt that I thought was very relevant for your marriage and for wedding planning.

He [Groom] meets her need for intimate conversation by talking with her at the feeling level. He listens to her attitudes about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest and concern. All his conversations with her convey a desire to understand her but not to change her.

How did  your groom handle wedding planning?  Or how can you be better as a groom during this time?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Photo of Tabitha and Gerald’s wedding  courtesy of Clapp Studios.

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  1. […] been doing weddings for five years and I must say that grooms are much more involved than ever. I remember at my wedding I was just told to shut up and show up […]

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